We now have a lot of snow! It is back to boots and mitts, hats, scarves and jackets. Back to when it takes 10-15 minutes to get going outside, but at least it has been nice for the beginning of winter.
In the mornings, Autumn and I have been going for walks together, anticipating the sunrise. It is our special time to talk and to bond. She is growing up so much these days, I feel saddened over it and often times very anxious when my mind starts to worry about how fast time has gone by and how much I still want to teach her and imbue her with as a young woman.
If I allow it to, my mind can get me pretty down and grieve for the moments that are slipping through my fingers faster than I can seem to savor them enough.
When I think of Serafina being over three years old, I just can’t believe it. I still call her “baby.” It also makes me sad to think that maybe she will have been my last baby too. I wish so much for my children. There is so much I want to give to them as a mother and an example. So much, that I often count myself as failing, according to my standards, but I know that I can only give so much and that taking care of myself is also a huge part of being good and well enough to take care of them. Life is such a difficult balance! Still, it is hard to not feel guilty as a mother and wife.
Does it go faster and faster as they get older? Or is it the fact that I am? I can rack my mind and get in a real tizzy over it all, when I over think too much. Time seems to go by faster and faster every day, every hour and every minute. My heart really does ache though and I know I need to let go and grieve and realize that I have now and that even if the moments are flying on by, all that I can do is savor them the best that I can.