There is something I have been running from facing for a while now. You know when you are not listening to the nudge of spirit, but instead have your hands gripped tightly around what you do not want to let go of, and fear losing so badly, that you fall into a state of loneliness, sadness, confusion and fear?
We all constantly face these times of growth and evolution as a part of the human experience. Well, lately, I have been going through one of those times.
The voice of the spirit and the guidance of your angels seems lost to you in these times and you realize the reason why is because you have been given divine guidance, but have not been following it. You turn your ear away and choose to try (emphasis: try) and ignore it with all of your might so as to avoid what you think will be extremely painful and stir emotions in you that you do not want to acknowledge or experience. Meanwhile, you are in anguish over the fact that you know that you are not listening to what you should just do, are living in fear and a muddled conscience, and that surrendering, letting go mentally, and feeling free of your attachment would really feel a whole lot better than the pain your denial of following your intuition and refusal to let go is causing you anyway.
I hate these times. The times when I am caught up in my lower ego and I cling so badly to what I don’t want to surrender. I refuse to grieve over the passing moment and to just let go and instead try and play dumb and pretend that I can’t hear what my angels and higher self is whispering to me in the stillness of my soul by running mentally from the messages that I am receiving. I am a very clairaudient person. I receive messages in my thoughts all the time, in many forms, like self-talk (which can be negative or positive), song, lyrics, still and silent intuition, and am constantly trying to keep my spiritual eyes and ears open to seeing and receiving messages from others and from life and what it has to teach me.
For the most part, I am able to hear divine guidance and the messages of my angels, and my higher self and vibe high with those, but sometimes I (we) are faced with a message or bit of guidance that frightens us in our lower human ego. We know that our intuition is right and we know what we are meant to change and let go of, but still, we cling in our lower ego and its identity or the way it feels about a certain thing. We ignore our intuition and inner guidance and tune out the voice of spirit, the angels or our higher self and /or play dumb or look to others for self-approval.
The truth is though, that we cannot really turn it off. We can’t really run because whether we choose to surrender and let go or not, life is going to move on and we are going to have to let go whether we want to or whether we are forced to. Nothing can ever stay the same. Everything is in a constant state of evolution. Spiritually and consciously, we can not really stay in one place and if we are really awake and aware and have begun work on ourselves spiritually, we know that we cannot deny the spirit, as it is life and truth. Living any other way but following our inner guidance and staying in line with the truth, resisting going with that flow and listen to our inner guidance, angels or spirit, we are only choosing to carry pain and suffering with us, pain and suffering that need not at all be ours to bear.
I read in Steiner how he mentioned that pain and suffering are a gift of the gods. When we experience pain and suffering, we are shown that we are not living in line with truth and in love. It is in our lower ego that we suffer and feel pain and torment. We create a living hell for ourselves with the prisons that we set up for ourselves in our mind when we allow negativity, doubt, fear, selfish ambition, vanity and egotistical thoughts to rule us. Sometimes this darkness can get rather thick and we begin to feel cloudy-headed, confused and/or sore and tense in our body, neck, back or shoulders, as if we literally have been carrying around a heavy load with us everywhere we go. We have tuned out divine spiritual guidance and have been bearing the misery that those lower vibrational thoughts instill into our being, body, soul and spirit.
Sometimes it can be so hard. Sometimes I wish I never had to go through these times of pain and suffering. Sometimes I feel so alone and I even isolate myself from others or punish myself for feeling anything but happy and living life perfectly in line with truth and positivity. Sometimes I realize that I once again have fallen into the ego prison fear mindset, even though I thought that I had everything pretty well together. Sometimes I want to sense, taste and touch spirit so badly that I get so down on myself for also being an imperfect human being, living here on earth incarnated in a physical body.
Life is not easy. It is not easy for anyone. We all have our moments of pain and suffering, doubt and confusion. We all have our imperfect human lower ego’s to bear. We all have our demons to face. We all have our moments of pain and suffering and of feeling alone and detached from others: thinking that we are the only ones to ever feel a certain way, or judging the lives of others as more perfect than ours. We slip into fear of being our true selves and of following our intuition because the lower ego self wants to maintain control. The darker powers and lower vibrations want to do everything to continually throw us off course, hoping to thwart all efforts of the divine and of our striving for freedom, love, light, and truth.
The reality is though, that no matter what, we will constantly grow. We will constantly make it through our moments of pain and suffering to experience ever-brighter light. We will sort out our minds, face our demons, feel our feelings, learn humility and come to the realization of the fact that we need spirit, even more so in these moments.The darkness that we face in life will only ever cause us to be stronger warriors for the light.
The reality is that we are never alone. God, the Holy Spirit, Christ, our angels, our higher self, even other people are all always there to help us along our human path during our evolution. We need not feel alone and in darkness. We need not pity ourselves and feel as though we are the only ones going through anything dark or uncomfortable. We need not fear anything, nor try to cling or resist letting go of the heavy load that we are carrying. We can be free at any moment. We have our human freewill and the power to chose whether we want to remain closed up in our lower ego, or to blossom open to spirit, which is right here with us, even within us, ever silently awaiting us to let go and to feel the peace, love and light of God.
This is my prayer for everyone out there in the world tonight:
I pray that you will feel the light, love and truth that is spirit. That is eternal, divine essence.
I pray that you will live and walk in freedom and in the power and truth of who you truly are.
I pray that you will release all of your burdens and sorrows and see all of your imperfections and trials as necessary parts of your evolutionary journey.
I pray that you will surrender your past guilt and regret, present or future anxiety, pain, sorrow and all negativity and fear.
I pray that God, Christ, and the angels will fill you with the peace that comes from a still mind and a steadfast soul (yes, even an imperfectly striving steadfast soul).
I pray that you will ever consciously strive upward to receive the love and light of spirit into your being, so that you may be a being of love and light unto the world. For this is our divine mission (though sometimes we forget).
I pray that your spiritual eyes and ears may be kept open.
Know that you are already free. Know that you are perfectly imperfect, just as you are. Know that you are loved and that you are never alone.
Open up your heart and mind to this truth tonight. Sleep in peace. Dream. Manifest your desires and not your fears.
Sincerely, I send out this prayer of love and light to all beings. I pray that my honesty in posting will comfort the soul and spirit of another tonight and in future days and nights to come.
It is in our humanness that we learn and grow and become ever one with each other and with the divine.
Embrace all of who you are.
Be you. Be free. Be beautiful.